Thursday, December 09, 2010

Two bridges, two days

Yesterday I was driving to work and thinking about the state of things and my situation there. I was on the Little Bay Bridge, and glanced out the window toward where men and equipment are dismantling the old bridge. There are the old supports, rusty and oxidized, the beaten and broken-down pavement, and then......nothing. Open space. A drop to the river below. It struck me that that is exactly where I'm headed at work, that there's really no way to the other side from here.

I have no interest in building an Acme Ramp Kit and trying to sail across the gap like some harried old Wile E. Coyote. I have no confidence that it would be worth it. It's absolutely time to move on.

On my good days, I'm angry and motivated. On my bad days I only want to curl up in a ball and drink wine because I am terrified- TERRIFIED- of finally making some decisions.

No one ever said that what we want and what we need are easy things to attain.

But today....having crossed the big bridge, Charlotte and I made our way home on Route 4. Driving over the Scammell, the sky fiery orange and deep blue, the crescent moon smiling at us, Charlotte singing "Happy Christmas" along with John Lennon...things were just right.


Sri said...

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Just want to share this with you, as I'm having to apply this to my own life. It's comforting.
The little things make all the difference, but sometimes the big things need us more.

Lori said...

I love this. I've been hard on myself because of the difficulty I'm having making change...and this perspective really is so comforting.
Thank you for sharing it.... :)