Blossoms

(5.4.09)

Mario

My grandfather passed away Saturday afternoon, after a brief illness. I had not seen him in almost seven years. It is difficult to put this loss into words; we were not close but he was my Poppy and I loved him. My feelings are tangled up in a web of sadness and anger and guilt and helplessness, but I am also awash in a flood of things that make me smile.

• "Hey, what I'm doin'?" was his usual greeting, or maybe just what we all think of and say when seeing a picture of him or talking about him....
• We would go and get the Sunday donuts, and he would always have Velamints in his car. They were square.
• He would wake up at ridiculous o'clock in the morning, drink coffee for about 4 hours, and wait for everyone else to get up. I can still hear the clink of the spoon against the coffee cup.
• There's a picture from our wedding of Poppy with Pete and my dad. They look like they're negotiating a deal- mules and cattle for a bride.
• His golfer's tan had me convinced as a kid that he looked like Johnny Mathis ("Honey, Johnny Mathis is black," said my mother patiently).
• When I was three and my brother was christened, I wore my favorite dress and he took me to buy a pink donut on a stick. It was the best donut anytime, at all, EVER.

He was neither saint nor sinner. He was a man, and he made mistakes. But he was a good man, and he loved the people in his life the best way he knew how. I have to believe that. Families are such loaded organisms, filled with the echoes of events that took place half a lifetime ago, or last week. Our family histories become ingrained into who we are, and most of the time it doesn't matter that the things that happen may not have involved you directly. It enters the collective past and you live with it, breathe it in, carry it around with you for as long as you walk this earth.

I don't know what comes next. I do know that this man, my grandfather, although rarely present has left his mark on my life and my family. The world is not the same without him in it.

At Rye

Small girl and the sea

Little face

(5.3.09)

A rare moment in the infield

(5.2.09)

Tired!

(5.1.09)

Growing

(4.30.09)

Lilac

(4.29.09)

Flora

(4.28.09)

And then it was Monday again

(4.27.09)

Teeball

It's been nice to see the sun over the past few days, and yesterday it got summer-hot just in time for the game. Whew! After lugging the bags and chairs and water bottles to and from the field, April and I have decided we need a golf cart. With a trailer.

Lou, Ella and Hayley
Heading out to the field to meet the other team
....and back to the bench.

We swung about 14 times before we hit...but it's teeball. No one strikes out in teeball.
No one gets out on base either. Everyone runs (or ambles) around the bases until 4 runs are scored. Which is fine, since most of the fielding done involves the ball moving away from the bases.

This may look familiar to some readers. Here stands the only fielder looking at the outfield rather than where the action is.
Pete said, "One day we're gonna look out there and she'll be reading a book."
Hmm. (This was actually after the game ended.)

So the jury is still out on teeball. She found fielding boring and wandered off the field twice. You know how it is with teeball- the ball doesn't go far, and everyone scrambles to grab it rather than staying in position. Lou got frustrated that the ball didn't come to her and just didn't want to tussle with the others for the ball. She cried a little. We wonder if she really just kind of likes the idea of teeball (I mean, there's a uniform and everything) but not the game. It's too soon to tell.

That's kind of the great thing about kids at this age, or at least Lou. There's this willingness to at least try things...and if it's not her thing, no harm done. There's so much out there for her to dig into, and I love that. She's already excited about tomorrow's practice and next week's game....I have to remember that open-heartedness the next time I hesitate to jump back into something that doesn't come easily to me.

Sunshine

(4.26.09)

The Babe

(4.25.09)

Friday afternoon

After work, and before visiting friends for dinner. Finally, some peace.

Watering the pansies
Budding lilacs
Mossy apple tree

Tomorrow morning: first teeball game. Planting more seeds and maybe some weeding. Later, off to a barbecue and bonfire....

Friday

(4.24.09)

Outtakes from Thursday morning...

...or, in which I try not to go to work and fail. (I didn't try that hard.)

All that green and blue
Sunshine

I'm driving, I'm driving....hey, look! there's water over there. Let's stop.

One of the signs I never read, since it's not green and white and in my face as I stare ahead....
Not sure what this one means....towns in those directions? I liked how it looked.

Work is sadly no bueno again this week. I have pictures of teeball and gardening from the weekend but it's been insane here and I need sleep. I am psyched for Friday- I have hopes it will be a beautiful day and a calm, productive end to the week. I will rub the belly of the buddha who lives on my desk, and maybe I will be right!

In which our yard is glowing

(4.23.09)

April 22nd

(4.22.09)

Tuesday

(4.21.09)

Lou's flowers

(4.20.09)