Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I love it when a plan comes together....

...yeah, unfortunately, today was not one of those days. I had stuff to do, both at home and work, and somehow managed to not accomplish much of it. How does that happen? I've been awake (um, mostly) for the past 15 hours or so. And yet, nothing.

Usually when I get home from work at a normal time, on the nights where I pick Charlotte up, I like to make dinner. I try to plan a couple of dinners that I will find fun to make or eat (preferably both!) for those was supposed to be one of those days....nope. Mac-and-cheese for the kidlet, leftover pulled pork for me and the man. Eh. My excuse? It was hot.

Laundry is piling up....this doesn't bother me as much right now as it did this morning, or as it will tomorrow morning when I am looking for clothes for work. Eh. Too tired to walk up and down stairs (really need to give this laundry chute idea more serious consideration).

I feel like Grandpa Simpson trying to spend his late girlfriend's money. EHHHHHH!
I work each day surrounded by people who feel tethered to the job, based on the culture and based on the time of year. I can't say that I feel exactly the same, although I do often feel somewhat irresponsible and guilty because of that. And I do still have a hard time breaking away, feeling as though I am punching an invisible time clock each day, that someone somewhere is making notes (she leaves at 6:30 on her late night, she doesn't work at home, she was 1/2 hour late today, she took a lunch break, she left her BlackBerry at home when she went on vacation). It's hard to explain to people who have never worked in this environment, but it's there, the measurement of who does more, works more, and I have become a sucker for the quantitative (disheartening in and of itself). So while everyone else is ready to buckle down and get things done this August, I see summer around me and watch the days pass on a calendar and know that by the time work is quieter, summer will have slipped away.

I'm not okay with that.

At the same time, the insomnia is back....and that's probably where a lot of this is coming from. I'm just tired. I'm putting off the normal, easy stuff (forward email from boss to staff, breaking down the content in bullet points so they get what he's saying) just because I can't be bothered. And forget the more challenging stuff. At least today, anyways.

I'm going to bed soon, hopefully to sleep. Tomorrow will be better, because I'll be rested. I'll set better priorities than I did today (on both fronts) and then the weekend will be just around the corner. Any weekend with your Grandma's 90th birthday party has to be a good one, right?!?

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