Monday, November 01, 2010

The Leaf that Wouldn't Turn Over, or How I Totally and Completely Built My Own Bad Day

So today is November 1st. It was supposed to be the start of something new and different, better habits, clearer headspace, a step toward getting me what I need while still taking care of everyone else. I keep making and breaking this commitment, but....I see you, Birthday, hiding around the bend. Don't think I don't. And don't think I don't remember the time that I said that a whole bunch of stuff was going to change before you came around again.

I meant to get up early and get a little exercise this morning. I'm a much nicer person to be around when I do...well, the reasons for it don't really need to be counted. But since I stayed up way too late last night (again), watching Family Guy repeats and dozing off? Nope.

So my not-a-morning-person self rolls out of bed this morning, all chicken hair and surly Monday growling, and proceeds to try to get me and the girl out the door. Some C4 would have been helpful. She's poky, I'm poky. I get it into my deluded brain that I should be trying to do laundry too. Along the way I lose sight of the time, have the five-year-old watch for the bus (!?!)....okay. So how does this drop-off thing work?

Work was, well, the day you would expect someone to have in this circumstance. One of the things that is true about me is that I have such a hard time turning a bad day around! [Sometimes? I don't even try.] But then I found out that one of Pete's friends from high school died last Thursday, at the age of 34. He had been recovering from a stroke, and worked so hard toward finding inner peace. I really hope that he's found it. I want to believe that he has. I spent a lot of my day thinking instead of doing what They pay me to do, which is put out financial fires.

I've come to a few conclusions (in no apparent order):

  • There will always be things I cannot control. I need to let them go.
  • Some of the things I can control? Are just not that important. I need to let them go too.
  • Sleep and water and food and exercise? Non-negotiables. Workday? Does not matter.
  • I am pretty freaking lucky to even have the luxury of this pity party. I have a family and friends and my health and a job (that I hate) and can take care of myself and the people I care about.
  • I need to do more creating (baking, knitting, writing, dreaming) and less complaining.
And two plans:
  • National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo). It's November. I'm doing it. One post, every day, for a month.
  • An idea I got from an old friend on facebook: 21 Days without Complaining. I'm going 28, starting tomorrow, which puts me at the 29th if I can do it. If I break the rule, I start counting again.
And really? Isn't it better to focus on this, and on whatever moment may be at hand, instead of whining?

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